How to Tell if Your Child is Transgender
By
Salvador Cordero
Staff Writer
It is easy to imagine that a good parent's greatest fear is to see their child in a painful situation. It's a natural instinct to look after the wellbeing of our little ones. A fair example of this instinct in action can be observed on the Wolf Spider. Instead of laying her eggs on a net like most spiders, she will attach the eggs to her back and carry them in order to protect them after birth and until the baby spiders are old enough to take care of themselves. In many ways, we are very similar to animals in the way we protect our children. It's important to feed them correctly, provide them with clothing and shelter and eliminate any potential environmental threats. But, unlike most animals, our offspring has a special set of needs. Human youngsters also need guidance through their psychological and emotional development. Children need love and support in ways many people can´t begin to imagine. For most parents, to be able to understand the emotional and psychological needs of their child is not too difficult. Many kids are very outspoken about what they want and need. However, there are cases in which the personality of a child can leave the parents guessing about what the infant may be feeling during their earliest stages of development.
During the first part of this century, we have come across a surprising amount of media visibility for the transgender community. From Chaz Bono on DWTS to Obama's former nanny, it is now undeniable that the presence of trans people in society is having a great effect. Thanks to the media, we also know that transgender people tend to display certain tendencies as early as 2 years old, and that the trans community has the highest suicide risk of all minorities. There is very little material available to teach parents how to be able to recognize whether a child is comfortable in the gender role assigned to them. That is why I've decided to approach the discussion, based on my experience as a transman and years of reading on the subject, on the most common behaviors that can be found in gender non-conforming individuals, as well as the best ways to communicate with children who are perceived to be trans.
Listen, listen and keep listening
Around the age of 2 to 3 years old, infants gain dominion over their speech and begin to use words to communicate and express their feelings. It is most common at this age for children to start referring to themselves as a member of a certain gender (as a boy or girl, exclusively). Parents should not correct the child. The child may perceive a correction as disapproval, and this may very well interfere with early diagnosis, as kids may repress themselves.
Watch their expressions
As the kid first encounters society (ages 5 to 6), it is possible that they will begin to adopt stronger self-expression behaviors. The child is beginning to realize that there are expectations of each gender, rules that actually force gender role acceptance. One of the first signs is hair rebellion (male children wanting long hair while females want short). They may ask to dress a certain way or draw a family picture in which it is evident that they adopt features often related to the opposite sex. This is a good time to begin talking to the child and asking what their preferences are concerning dress and behavior.
Look for patterns
Difficulty socializing, maintaining physical distance and depression are all signs that become evident at the ages of 7 to 8. This is when the full impact of their difference from other kids fully hits them and when they are the most vulnerable. Children at this point have a hard time relating to others because of the role forced on them, and may even become aggressive. These kids are conflicted by the intense desire to act in a certain way, but constantly fear being punished for it. The aggression they sometimes exhibit is simply a bid for self-expression. If the child exhibits any of these behaviors it is imperative to at least talk to them and ask them how they feel at school and whether they like their friends. This will get the child to open up and maybe discuss whatever it is that is making them uncomfortable.
Children as young as 4 years old have been known to self-mutilate and even commit suicide because of this gender role pressure. We cannot be caring parents if we do nothing to make our kids' lives happier. If you detect one or more of the behaviors mentioned above, call a gender therapist. Your child may be transgender or it may just be a phase, but a professional can evaluate to situation. Most importantly, remember to show the infant that he/she will be loved no matter what and show constant support at all times. That is the real job of a good parent.
During the first part of this century, we have come across a surprising amount of media visibility for the transgender community. From Chaz Bono on DWTS to Obama's former nanny, it is now undeniable that the presence of trans people in society is having a great effect. Thanks to the media, we also know that transgender people tend to display certain tendencies as early as 2 years old, and that the trans community has the highest suicide risk of all minorities. There is very little material available to teach parents how to be able to recognize whether a child is comfortable in the gender role assigned to them. That is why I've decided to approach the discussion, based on my experience as a transman and years of reading on the subject, on the most common behaviors that can be found in gender non-conforming individuals, as well as the best ways to communicate with children who are perceived to be trans.
Listen, listen and keep listening
Around the age of 2 to 3 years old, infants gain dominion over their speech and begin to use words to communicate and express their feelings. It is most common at this age for children to start referring to themselves as a member of a certain gender (as a boy or girl, exclusively). Parents should not correct the child. The child may perceive a correction as disapproval, and this may very well interfere with early diagnosis, as kids may repress themselves.
Watch their expressions
As the kid first encounters society (ages 5 to 6), it is possible that they will begin to adopt stronger self-expression behaviors. The child is beginning to realize that there are expectations of each gender, rules that actually force gender role acceptance. One of the first signs is hair rebellion (male children wanting long hair while females want short). They may ask to dress a certain way or draw a family picture in which it is evident that they adopt features often related to the opposite sex. This is a good time to begin talking to the child and asking what their preferences are concerning dress and behavior.
Look for patterns
Difficulty socializing, maintaining physical distance and depression are all signs that become evident at the ages of 7 to 8. This is when the full impact of their difference from other kids fully hits them and when they are the most vulnerable. Children at this point have a hard time relating to others because of the role forced on them, and may even become aggressive. These kids are conflicted by the intense desire to act in a certain way, but constantly fear being punished for it. The aggression they sometimes exhibit is simply a bid for self-expression. If the child exhibits any of these behaviors it is imperative to at least talk to them and ask them how they feel at school and whether they like their friends. This will get the child to open up and maybe discuss whatever it is that is making them uncomfortable.
Children as young as 4 years old have been known to self-mutilate and even commit suicide because of this gender role pressure. We cannot be caring parents if we do nothing to make our kids' lives happier. If you detect one or more of the behaviors mentioned above, call a gender therapist. Your child may be transgender or it may just be a phase, but a professional can evaluate to situation. Most importantly, remember to show the infant that he/she will be loved no matter what and show constant support at all times. That is the real job of a good parent.
